Consciously Connecting with Your Horse

Have you heard it said that we have to dominate our horses to have safe relationships with them? Do you believe this is true?

If so, I'd like to kindly encourage you to reconsider. In my mind, what we really want to do when we are with our horses, is present our best and highest self and reap the many rewards of consciously connecting. This is true whether we are just spending time with our horses, doing husbandry activities or positively shaping their behavior in way that they and we can FEEL good about.

Think about it. Isn’t this what we would do in any relationship we truly value? Chances are we've all chosen to do certain tasks, go places, visit people and behave in intentional ways to fulfill relational obligations. An example might be attending your best friend's birthday party with a smile when you’ve had an exhausting day at work. Chances are both you and your friend are glad you did it, despite your initial desire to stay home. 

How we behave is largely dependent on how it has turned out for us in past similar circumstances. We know attending the party with a pleasant attitude will bring long term reward, though it doesn’t seem appealing in the short term. It creates a deeper connection with your friend in the long run, just because you show up with a smile. We can choose to show up in our relationships with our horses the same way.

Horses operate on different premise unless they've been conditioned otherwise. In other words, instinctually they do what they think will work out well for them/FEEL pleasant or better in the moment. Often, that’s hard for us to recognize, and we feel disconnected when it happens. Sometimes we even take DECIDE to take it as a personal affront.

Fortunately, we have the ability to consciously CHOOSE exactly how we see our horse's behavior and how engage with them at any given time. Will we interact positively in a way that is safe, understandable and that FEELs good to us and them? For example, we can do this by rewarding behaviors we desire and shaping undesirable ones in a way that our horses value (rather than dominating and instilling fear, which erodes trust and degrades relationship).

We also take into consideration when making decisions how we think it will go, and how we think we and our horses will FEEL. All choices, including how we behave and the results of our choices, are often dependent upon our energy and ability to function in a thoughtful, appropriate or compassionate manner.

Have a Date with Your Horse? Facts and Feelings to Consider

• First, it's important to make sure that we are in an emotional state that allows us to be congruent with what we are asking of our horses and how we want to ask - kindly and clearly.
• This is an important contrast to other emotions that may lead to demanding, coercing, punishing or expecting responses or behaviors that the horse might feel are confusing, hard or unwarranted.
• We don't always have control of all the variables (internal, environmental, and otherwise) that can affect our behaviors and the outcome of how we end up FEELING. However, we learn by experience that if we want relationships and life to be rewarding, we need to consciously make the choices that provide the most gratifying FEELINGS for those involved (even if gratification is delayed).
• If we find it's too difficult for us to show up to our date with our horse in a grounded emotional state and a learner’s mindset, it's apt to cause our choices and interactions with horses (who are sensitive beings) to be less than ideal. Times like this are perfect for hanging out in the field with our horses, spending some time scratching their favorite places or simply observing them on their own time without any interaction or interference from us.

Just FYI - Horses tend to bond or develop affiliations while grazing or being in the proximity of other beings provided they are relaxed and in familiar environments - rewarding circumstances. These circumstances don't have to include training or food being provided by humans or having anything done to them. They just need to FEEL safe and comfortable in your presence to bond.

This means hanging out and having a little casual connection time can be a lot more productive than we might think, and it can give our hearts and minds some much needed R and R and help us FEEL better too.

As I am sure we agree, horses can be a gift. They can sooth our hearts and calm our minds, if we are open to the possibilities they have to offer. If we choose to become aware of our horses’ sensitivities and communicate positively and effectively with them, we can leave dominance and demands behind while consciously connecting. How you and your horse feel when you're together matters, and your choices make all the difference.

Here's to Hoping You Enjoy your horse ~ Compassionate Horse Click Style!