Separation Anxiety - Understanding and Overcoming it to Enjoy Your Horse More

Whether you are riding out (dream of being able to casual chat with friends or hitting the trail for some alone time with your horse), loading (for weekends away, clinics, shows or vet trips), going to the wash stall (other side of the barn or farm) or leaving the herd in any capacity…

Understand what Separation Anxiety means for your horse and what you can do about it?

Imagine an idyllic scenario…

Your horse readily chooses to be with you no matter what the circumstance. 

They could care less about their friends in the field and you’re heading for a trail, the trailer, riding bridle-less, bareback, at liberty: lunging, free jumping, the other side of the barn/property or leading across grass.

Your horse is all in, willing, engaged and a joy to be around no matter the circumstance or distance from its friends. 

Easy peasy right?

Of course, this can be you, only if separation anxiety isn’t an issue for your horse. (And congratulations, BTW, if that's the case!! If so, you still may want to read on in case your friend's horse experiences separation anxiety.)

But if this idyllic scenario is not what you and your horse experience, you’ll want to truly understand:

1. What does separation anxiety really look like and what it’s not/and is often mistaken for?
2. Why does your horse have Separation Anxiety, and how do they feel when experiencing it?
3. What can you do to help your horse – Acting from a place of Empathy?
• stop mistaking it for something else
• prevent Separation Anxiety through creating reliable bonds of trust and connection (from the horse’s viewpoint, not ours)
• manage Separation Anxiety when it can’t be avoided 

I.  What separation anxiety looks like
Recognizing separation anxiety is an important but not always obvious step. Many folks mistake separation anxiety for:

• loading and leading issues 
• disobedience 
• stubbornness, stupidity 
• or at the very least, they are mystified by why their normally compliant heart horse is suddenly flipping out and acting like they have lost their mind. 

The results of which can include everything from 

• pulling on the lead line
• sitting back when tied
• whirling and bolting
• jiggy or heading for home at a rapid pace
• refusing to leave the barn under saddle
• shrill whinnies
• concerned expressions
• the tendency to spook
• planting
• balking at loading
• refusing jumps, water or other obstacles
• leaving us when they are at liberty and more. 

(BTW, if you have some more examples or stories, please email them to [email protected] – we’d love to hear about them.)

II.  Why your horse has Separation Anxiety, and how they feel when experiencing it

We all know that horses are herd animals, but it can be hard for humans to grasp the life and death significance of this as a horse experiences it. I am going to provide some examples for clarity. 

In the book Think Twice, by Michael J. Mauboussin, the author talks about human research regarding decision making. It turns out our own innate drive to not separate from or be ostracized by the human herd/tribe is incredibly strong from our history as a species. 

Still today, it’s so powerful that even when we know the correct answer to a question, in a research setting, the majority were found to refuse to give the right answer if others disagreed. Even highly educated people who knew the right answer began to question themselves. Some simply chose to go with the flow even though they knew it was incorrect to avoid conflict, i.e., separation from the human herd. 

A very powerful point from this book illustrates how susceptible we are to the human equivalent of Separation Anxiety. It includes the influence of context on our decisions. It showed that study after study proved even when we were aware that context (environment that could include herd/tribe dynamic) and anchoring (subconscious influence of seemingly unrelated information) influence us, we still fail to separate both from influencing our decisions and behavior to

“avoid separation from” the herd/tribe?

Would you agree that in each of these cases WE KNEW OUR LIVES WERE NOT BEING THREATENED?

All of this being true…  

How then, can we expect our horses, who live much more in their amygdales (primitive brain that makes automatic reactions happen fast) than we do, to naturally reason that they will be fine when they leave their buddies/herd/familiar environment (think 5 F’s) at our request????? 

And this is especially true, when and if the buddies are essentially screaming a,” come back or we will all surely die,” kind of thing and running around flagging tails in the air as to be even more convincing that death is imminent upon separation. These antics can be quite convincing, btw, for those of you who don’t have horses with strong preservation instincts.  

Finally, horses’ nervous systems are wired to run first and ask questions later as a matter of survival, i.e., react vs respond. So, leaving the scene or refusing to leave as it might be, are very natural responses to being separated from the familiar, friends or the herd at large. 

III.  What you can do to help your horse – Acting from a place of Empathy
Once we recognize the reality of separation from the familiar, including the herd as a horse may see it – a life or death decision, we can begin to help our horses overcome their fears and help them begin to look forward to new adventures and being with us even when their friends aren’t along for the ride. 

The power of positive reinforcement can make this transformation from a fearful fire breathing dragon to an easy going and fun to be around equine friend a reality. The process of rewarding small steps that the horse considers easy is simple and starts at home in an area where the horse is comfortable. 

IV.  SEPARATION ANXIETY SOLUTIONS

There’s an entire section on this in the Training Compassionate Horse Click Style Course that proves it USING COMPASSIONATE TRAINING THAT INCLUDES FOOD, FUN, FRIENDS, FAMILIARITY AND FREEDOM OF CHOICE so your horse WANTS to be with you and doesn’t see leaving the herd as a life-or-death matter.

• plus, additional content and exercises that give you the ability to earn your horse's trust,
• create a calm, affectionate and lasting connection, 
• while you gain understanding and skills that YOUR HORSE VALUES 

…The same one’s countless women have learned to manage and overcome separation anxiety woes through the CHC course and community, online coaching and mini clinics too. 

We can and have helped so many horses find new adventures intrinsically rewarding. 

We’ve empowered owners just like you to build the confidence and trust needed to shape a horse’s natural instincts so they can be more at ease in our modern day less than horse friendly world. 

Imagine all the things we once felt were hard or even terrifying. We no longer need praise or get a dopamine hit. It's just easy and normal, and we are nonplussed and do it without effort. Leaving the herd and a familiar environment can be similar for your horse!

V. Things to consider as you create a plan for your horse

• Your understanding of what is really important to your horse and how it is wired to react and respond when facing separation
• Your horse’s personality
• What your horse finds reinforcing
• The depth and strength of the connection between you and your horse in your horse’s mind
• The amount of deposits in your horse’s trust bank account
• Your commitment to correctly creating positively reinforcing experiences that allow your horse to stay under threshold and find the separation fair and fun
• Your commitment to consistent habituation and expanding your horse’s world
• Your willingness to manage your own expectations
• If you need assistance, mentorship, education or support in these areas

You can contact Melissa Spell Deal to see if the Training Compassionate Horse Click Style course is open. Or, if you’d like one-on-one coaching on this topic until course and/or Separation Mini Clinic enrollment opens again, email Melissa at [email protected] to see if any online coaching opportunities or mini clinics are currently available.

Either way, we hope you enjoy connecting with your horse like never before, anywhere anytime with the help of +R Training, Compassionate Horse Click Style!